This mystery virus has come to be known in certain circles that I've performed secret surveillance missions on as "the Turk virus". As of right now, the Turk virus has invaded every single brain stem on the planet. There was very little the brain stems of the planet could do to halt its progress.

The neurotransmitters constantly at the grindstone within our precious and fragile nervous systems— the fluids in buckets constantly pouring themselves from one dark acepto promandato station to another proceso conectato— let it be known that the brain has no time for a smoke break. No dormato either. The fluids and buckets have no time in their scheduled routine to combat an unknown virus, no matter how threatening it may be to the brain's well-being. Once your brain has been infected, it creates a new path of producto, thus protecting itself from the viral oppressor by joining ranks with it.

What the Turk virus does exactly is up for debate. The spectrum of theories regarding Turk and its processes can be divided for the most part into two parties of students. The first party of students theorize that the characteristics of the virus are at a very basic and primal level uniform in nature, although mutations of the virus in the brain of any one victim are allowed as long as the idea that the root structure of the virus itself in every victim can be acknowledged as the same. This particular uniform root structure is called "larcopensato" by these students. Also known as horizontal-platforming, larcopensato denotes radical sideways thought processes as opposed to more standard forms of sideways, forwards or backwards thinking. This is how Turk affects the brain: it creates a path of producto for the brain much more extreme and unpredictable than producto pre-infectato, creating simulanalytical thought processes as well as vertical-platforms (subtrareference/addisignature). This high level of producto would not normally be present in an average human's brain had Turk not infected it.

A second party of students claim in their journals that the powerful and flexico Turk virus, once the entire planet's population of brain stems had become infected, underwent a swift transformation that propelled its basic root structure into unisequentinfectato. This means the signature of the virus in each victim became different (costomato) on account of the phenomenon of environmental adaptato and problems of subtrareference/addisignature, therefore making control of the virus through means of a uniform Turk medicato impossible. As adaptato can often initiate a mutato sequence, immediate and extreme shifts in temperament and mood can occur for the infected individual, eventually annihilating the basic root structure in a predatory fashion and thereby canceling the larcopensato mentioned above. Suddenly, both rational and emotional processes literally explode into thousands of unique pocket strands. This quick yet incredibly destructive mutato sequence gives to the Turk virus an unpredictable nomadic character with no primal root, thus making it annoyingly difficult to locate inside the victim's brain and sweep out via medicato without affecting the whole brain in an adverse way. This nomadic personality of the Turk virus is what makes it so powerful in the manipulato of the human brain, or so this second party of students claim.

I am in accordance with the claims and opinions of this second party of students.

With the above information planted firmly in mind, you and I can continue. Let's walk together, keeping eyes front, because what you're about to see with your eyes, the words of this epistle pouncing onto your iris, penetrating your pupils, you may find altogether distasteful, or at least, familiar...

Portland, 2007